Texas is a community property state, meaning all property acquired during the marriage by either spouse is presumed to be part of the community and, therefore, subject to division by the court in a divorce.  But what about debts, such as student loans?  In Texas alone, almost 3.4 million people have unpaid student loans that total more than $111 billion.  Understandably, a lot of people fear becoming responsible for their ex-spouse’s student loans post-divorce.

If you or your spouse obtained a student loan before the marriage, the student loan is considered a debt of that person’s separate estate, and the person whose name is on the loan will be 100% responsible.

If you or your spouse obtained a student loan during the marriage and used the money for education-related costs, the person whose name is on the loan will be 100% responsible.

However, if you or your spouse obtained a student loan during the marriage, and evidence shows the loans paid for living expenses that benefited both parties, the debt could be considered part of the community estate.  In this case, it will become one of many factors that are taken into account in dividing the entire community estate.

What about reimbursements?  Many people want reimbursement for the payments made on one spouse’s student loans during the marriage.  Texas law clearly prohibits reimbursement claims for payment of student loans owed by one spouse.  Much like buying groceries or paying for gas, these payments cannot be reimbursed.

Refinance student loans are another issue that arises during a divorce.  If you or your spouse co-signed student debt, including during a refinance, the co-signer becomes responsible for that debt.  In a situation where both parties’ names are on the student loan, the loan will be considered part of the community estate.

If you are going through a divorce and you have student loans, you should also speak with a financial planner because your options for repaying student loans may change post-divorce.  It is also important to have an attorney knowledgeable about property and debt issues.  The attorneys at The Draper Law Firm are ready to help you be proactive in navigating these issues.

Blog post by Samantha Mori

 

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Judges carefully consider the evidence and arguments presented at a trial before making a final decision, but this doesn’t mean that a judge’s decision is always accurate. For this reason, you still have options you can pursue in order to urge the judge to make a different decision in your case. There are different types of relief available if you believe the Court has made an erroneous decision. Below, we discuss your options for relief, and when each type of relief is most appropriate in your case.

Motion for New Trial

If you’re generally dissatisfied with the Court’s decision, or for one reason or another, the opposing party obtained a default judgement against you, a motion for new trial is likely your best option for relief. A motion for new trial must be filed within 30 days from when the Judge has signed the order or judgment, and this time cannot be extended. Because time is of the essence, it is important to discuss this option with an attorney as soon as possible.

A motion for new trial asks the court to give you a second opportunity to present your evidence and legal arguments so that the outcome will be more equitable. This is done by filing a motion that points out the legal errors of the judge’s ruling. If the motion is granted, you will be given an opportunity to present testimony and evidence at a new trial before the judge makes a new ruling. However, there is no guarantee that a new trial will result in a different decision from the court.

A motion for new trial is also a useful tool in extending deadlines for appeal, so even if the likelihood of a judge granting the motion is low, there still might be an important reason for filing.

Motion to Reconsider

If you have qualms with a specific ruling the court has made, or you believe the judge should have made a different decision based on the evidence and arguments that were previously presented at trial, a motion to reconsider is the most appropriate form of relief. Like a motion for new trial, a motion to reconsider specifically states the errors of the judge’s decision and provides legal arguments and support for why the court’s decision is erroneous. This motion does not ask the court to give you a second or new trial, but rather, a motion to reconsider asks the court to reconsider its ruling based on the evidence and record that already exists from the trial. This relief is most appropriate when you believe the court’s decision should be different based on the evidence and arguments that were presented at the final hearing. You’re not seeking an opportunity to present new evidence. Instead, you will use the record from the trial to illustrate why the Court should have come to a different decision based on the applicable law.

Appeal

If neither a motion for new trial nor motion to reconsider are successful, the only way to overturn the trial court’s ruling is through an appeal.  Appeals are an extremely slow process and can take a year or more before a decision is made.  Depending on the circumstances, an appeal might be appropriate in your case, or you may be better off waiting and filing a modification down the road (if the disputed issues relate to custody or child support).

Blog post by Shmyla Alam

 

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A premarital agreement or “prenup” is an agreement between prospective spouses to alter their marital property rights without court involvement. Chapter four of the Texas Family Code governs these types of agreements.  Parties can agree to the division of household responsibilities, payment of support and living expenses, sharing of child-rearing responsibilities, religious upbringing of children, procedures for conflict resolution, and the disposition of property in the event the relationship ends.  Almost anything that the parties think of can be included so long as it does not (1) violate public policy or a criminal statute, (2) adversely affect a child’s right to support, or (3) defraud a creditor.  Premarital agreements are used to cover both current and future assets.

Who should get a premarital agreement?

Many people believe that premarital agreements are just for the wealthy.  That is not necessarily the case.  Any couple who wishes to pass separate property to children from a prior marriage, avoid conflict in the event of divorce, protect their spouses from each other’s debts, or clarify financial responsibilities may want to consider a prenup.  If a couple chooses to make a prenup, the best practice is to require separate legal representation for each party.  Separate representation helps avoid potential arguments that one party had unequal bargaining power over the other.

What are the requirements for a binding premarital agreement?

In order to be enforceable, a premarital agreement must be in writing.  The parties must fully disclose all property and financial obligations.  The agreement must be signed by both parties before they marry, and it must be sworn to so that it can be recorded in the court records where relevant property is located.  Neither party is required to pay for a premarital agreement.  The only consideration required is the parties’ mutual promises to marry; however, a premarital agreement must be signed voluntarily.  It will not be effective if one party is under duress when they sign.

When does a premarital agreement become effective?

A premarital agreement becomes effective on the date of marriage even though it must be signed before the marriage.  There is no specific requirement on what type of marriage ceremony the couple must have in order to make the agreement effective.

What should I do if my partner wants a prenup?

The first thing you should do is have a conversation with your partner to understand what his or her goals are in asking for a premarital agreement.  Keep in mind that the decision on whether or not to sign a premarital agreement is a personal decision and does not reflect on the level of love or trust in your relationship.  You should look for an attorney to review the premarital agreement independent from your partner’s attorney.  Don’t be afraid to ask questions and importantly, communication with your partner is key.

What if I don’t sign a premarital agreement?

If a couple chooses not to sign a premarital agreement, Texas law governs the division of property and debts in the event of a Texas divorce.  Texas is a community property state, which means that each party will own 50% of all property accumulated during the marriage (including salary, real property, retirement, and personal property).  Any property that the party accumulated prior to the marriage remains that party’s separate property, but the burden is on the spouse claiming separate property to prove it.  A court will divide the community property if the parties cannot agree.

Blog post by Samantha Mori

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Many families find themselves faced with the challenges of separation and divorce. Divorce can be a very stressful time in someone’s life. It is often said to be one of the most difficult transitions a person may face. One way to lessen the stress of the divorce process is for you and your spouse to divorce amicably. Here are five tips to assist anyone who may be interested in proceeding through the divorce process in an amicable manner:

  1. Find an attorney that understands your goal of an amicable divorce. Selecting your counsel is one of the most important decisions you will make during the divorce process. If you would like to minimize the contention during your case, you must ensure you hire an attorney who understands your goals and is capable of keeping your desire for an amicable resolution at the forefront of the process.
  1. Utilize a waiver of service. A waiver of service is a document that can be signed by your spouse after receiving a copy of the Original Petition for Divorce. If the waiver of service is properly executed, you will not have to have your spouse personally served with the petition. No one wants to be personally served. Many individuals going through divorce are served with papers at their place of work or home. This can be embarrassing and will likely make them angry. If your goal is an amicable divorce, it is usually preferable to begin by providing your spouse with a waiver of service to sign. If they refuse to sign the waiver of service, your attorney can then have your spouse personally served.
  1. Go to mediation. Many people are adamant they do not want their case to go to mediation. The general negative feeling towards mediation is often unwarranted. Most courts now require parties to attend mediation prior to the case proceeding to trial. This is because many cases can be resolved by utilizing an impartial third party to help the parties reach a resolution. Settling in mediation will save both sides money and lessen the stress that accompanies trial. In most cases, mediation leads to a better resolution for both sides. This is because mediation allows the parties and attorneys to be creative when creating a solution. When attending mediation be sure you go into the process with an open mind and a positive attitude. If you decide the process will fail before you even begin, the process is more likely to fail. Try to keep the focus on your goals and reaching a resolution both you and your spouse can live with. Remember, no settlement agreement is ever perfect for either side, but it is usually better than what the outcome would be at trial.  Even though it may be tempting, it is not a good idea to go to mediation without an attorney.  The mediator’s job is to get a deal done, and she cannot give you legal advice.
  1. Consider seeing a therapist. The end of a marriage is a very emotional transition for everyone involved. It affects the parties and the children. It is important to be aware of your emotional state and to recognize when you may need the assistance of a therapist or counselor. Many individuals need to be able to speak to someone such as a counselor or therapist to help them through this transition. Dealing with your emotions in a healthy way will assist you in keeping the divorce process amicable and preventing resentment. Divorces surrounded by resentment and anger tend to take longer to resolve and are ultimately more costly for both parties.
  1. Focus on the future. Remember that this is a time of transition. You are transitioning out of your marriage and into the next phase of your life. Focusing on the future is even more important to those who have children. If children are involved, you will continue to have a relationship with your spouse even after the divorce is finalized. There is no better time than the present to begin practicing communicating with the other parent. Even if you and your spouse were not ultimately successful long-term partners, you can still be successful co-parents. Parents who divorce amicably are typically better equipped down the road to resolve parenting disputes without the court intervening. Rather than getting hung up on the minutia, focus on your overall goals. If you hire an attorney who understands your goals, your attorney will be able to assist you with staying focused on what is most important.

Take the time to discuss these points when consulting with an attorney. At The Draper Law Firm, we understand this is a difficult time for you and your family and we are ready to help guide you through the process.

Blog post by Sarah Marrone

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Digital assets are a huge part of our everyday lives.  The pictures on your iPhone, your Netflix account, documents saved in Dropbox, your Kindle library, and your Instagram page are all examples of digital assets.

While it may seem that digital assets are inconsequential when it comes to a divorce, that may not always be the case.  Technology has become such a significant part of our daily lives that digital assets may have significant monetary value beyond just the sentimental value.

A digital asset is intangible content that is stored in various types of digital formats.  Examples of common digital assets include: e-mail addresses, social media accounts, web sites and domain names, digital media (photos, videos, e-books, movies, and videos), blogs, reward points, data storage accounts (Dropbox, OneDrive), digital storefronts, and virtual currency (such as Bitcoin).

If these digital assets were acquired during the marriage, they will be considered part of the community estate and will be subject to a just and right division by the court.  When going through a divorce, each party should take an inventory of all digital assets that are considered community property.  If a digital asset was acquired prior to marriage, was a gift, or was inherited, it will be considered separate property and not subject to division in the divorce.

Once the digital assets have been identified as part of the community estate, they will be valued.  Valuing these assets is highly case dependent and will often require negotiation between the parties.  For example, a party’s personal social media page may have no monetary value.  However, if a couple has a social media page or website that generates revenue (such as a blog or Instagram account), the parties will want to give it a monetary value and determine who will be awarded the account.  There will certainly be some digital assets that have no value and you should focus on those digital assets that are most important.

When the parties divide the digital assets, the final decree should include language that allows the party who has been awarded the account the ability to change the password.  Additionally, the decree should include language that the party who is awarded the account is responsible for any fees associated with the account.  For example, if one party is awarded a domain name, that party will be required to pay the fees associated with the domain moving forward.

Some digital assets can be “shared,” which a great way to avoid conflict during divorce.  In many cases, digital assets can be copied and re-created so that both parties can have family photos or videos.  In some instances, digital libraries can be copied, but you cannot violate licensing agreements.

It may be a pain to divide these digital assets, but it should be dealt with during the divorce proceedings, particularly any income-generating assets or virtual currencies.  You do not want to deal with this after your divorce has been finalized.

You should not change passwords or block access to a digital asset until you have agreements with your spouse or a court order allowing you to do so.  Preemptively removing a spouse’s access can create bigger problems for you in the long run and in many instances would be a violation of the county’s standing orders.

When going through a divorce, take the time to discuss your digital assets with your attorney.  These are as important as ever and the attorneys at The Draper Law Firm are ready to help.

Blog Post by Samantha Mori, Associate Attorney

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Although most stay-at-home-moms I come across are married, every once in a while I come across a stay-at-home-mom who is not.  She has chosen to stay home and take care of the child(ren) while her boyfriend continues to work.  Maybe he convinced her that it costs too much for childcare for her to work, or maybe she just always dreamed of staying home with her baby.  Whatever the reason for making that decision may have been, there are a number of reasons why that decision can really come back to bite her down the road.  Below are five reasons why you should never decide to be a stay-at-home-mom if you are not married to the father of your children.

  1. Texas is a community property state, which is great… if you are married.  If you are not married, the father of your child, who you are in a relationship with and who you are sure would never do anything to hurt you, can be making millions of dollars.  Unfortunately, you will never see a penny of it if you split up.  Every dollar he makes is his separate property.  He is accumulating wealth while you are accumulating nothing.
  2. You know that beautiful house you and your child’s father picked out that he bought and you both live in?  It’s his separate property.  If he decides he wants to move on (or you can’t take his abuse any more, etc.), guess who gets to stay in the house?  Him.  And guess who will probably not be able to qualify to rent her own place because she has not been working in so long?  You.
  3. Because you were not married, you have no chance of getting spousal support.  Your only possible source of support from the father is child support.  Even if you are lucky enough to receive the maximum amount of child support, it is nowhere near enough to support you and your child(ren).
  4. The longer you have been out of the workforce, the harder it will be to get back in.  That degree your parents spent big bucks on or you went into debt to get?  It’s pretty worthless if you have not worked in years.  (This is true regardless of whether or not you were married, but at least if you were married, you would hopefully have some community assets to get you through while you got back on your feet.)  If he decides to kick you out of his house, you will need to support yourself and your child(ren) immediately.  That is not easy to do.
  5.  Don’t think you can just go back home to live with your parents if this happens to you if your parents don’t live nearby.  Residency restrictions are almost always granted if one party requests it.  A judge will likely not be sympathetic to your request to move far away so you can move in with your parents because you have no way of supporting yourself.  The court’s priority is for the child to have regular access to both parents, which cannot happen if you move away.

You may be wondering why I limited this post to stay-at-home-moms instead of “stay-at-home-parents” or “stay-at-home-dads.”  The reality is that it is women, not men, who make this mistake.  I have never seen an unmarried man give up his career to stay home with a child while his girlfriend worked.  I urge you to think long and hard before you go down this path.

Divorce

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Many times I hear potential clients mention the possibility of attending mediation with the opposing party as an alternative to hiring attorneys.  These people generally seem to think that not hiring an attorney is the best way to keep things amicable with the other side.  Unfortunately, these attempts to keep things amicable or keep costs down can often lead to serious problems down the road.

Mediation is a great tool to help get cases resolved when they cannot be settled informally.  Even though many mediators are attorneys, the mediator cannot give legal advice to a party during mediation.  The mediator’s job is to get an agreement reached, not advise the parties as to whether or not a particular agreement is a good idea.  When a party attends mediation without an attorney, that party likely does not know the law, what he or she is entitled to under the law, what is standard and what is not, or if he or she may be making a mistake that can never be fixed.

Hiring an attorney does not prevent you from reaching amicable agreements with the other side, but it is the best way to ensure you are protecting yourself.  The attorney can help you think of creative solutions, will help you make sure you are not forgetting to cover important issues in your agreement, and will advise you when you should say no.   If your goal is to try to reach amicable agreements with the other side, be sure to pick an attorney whose philosophy aligns with yours and who seems on board with helping you accomplish that goal, if at all possible.

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One of the most common questions we are asked in divorce cases is: What happens with the house?  There are several important factors that go into answering this question.  First, is the house community property or separate property?  The house is community property if it was bought during the marriage (unless purchased with someone’s separate property funds.)  If the house was bought prior to the marriage, it is the separate property of the person who bought it.   This is true regardless of whether or not the couple was together at the time they bought the house.

If the house is community property, the general rule is that if one party wants to keep the house, he or she must (a) be able to refinance the mortgage into his or her own name; and (b) be able to buy out the other person’s share of the equity.  The equity buy-out can occur in a number of ways, such as shifting other assets to the other spouse to account for the equity, a cash-out refinance, or the spouse taking the house takes on additional debt to balance out the equity.  A stay-at-home parent is almost never able to refinance and keep the house because he or she does not have the income to qualify for the mortgage independently.

If the house is separate property, the house goes to the person who owns it.  The non-owning party may be entitled to reimbursement for some things related to the house.  The non-owning spouse is entitled to be reimbursed for one-half of the principle reduction of the mortgage during the marriage and for any increase in value due to capital improvements made to the house during the marriage with community funds.  The non-owning spouse does NOT get the benefit of any increase in value of the house that happened during the marriage.

Below are a few examples of common scenarios we see related to the house.  Each of these scenarios involves the same couple who is together the same amount of time, but the end result can be very different.

Ex. 1:  John and Mary got engaged after having dated for two years.  They looked for a house together, picked it out together, and participated equally in choosing the house.  The purchase price of the house was $500,000.  John was approved for the mortgage on his own, so the transaction took place entirely in John’s name.  John closed on the house on March 31, 2005, with John putting 20% down and taking out a mortgage for $400,000.  John and Mary got married on April 1, 2005 and immediately moved into the house.    No payments were made on the house until after the parties were married, and the couple never made any capital improvements.  John and Mary decide to divorce in 2019.  The remaining balance due on the mortgage is now $300,000, and the house is now worth $600,000.  In the divorce, the house will be confirmed as John’s separate property.  Mary is entitled to reimbursement of $50,000 (for her half of the principal reduction of the mortgage.)

Ex. 2:  Using the same facts as example number 1, except that John signed the contract to purchase the house on March 15, 2005 but did not close on the house until April 15, 2005.  Even though he closed after the date of the marriage, the house is still John’s separate property because he signed the contract prior to the date of divorce.  The result is exactly the same as in example 1 above.

Ex. 3:  John and Mary got married on April 1, 2005 and entered into a contract to buy a $500,000 house on April 2, 2005.  The parties put 20% down (which came from John’s separate property from before the marraige) and took out a mortgage in both parties’ names for $400,000.   The parties divorce in 2019, with the house being worth $600,000 and the balance due on the mortgage being $300,000.  The house is community property, but John is entitled to get his $100,000 separate property down payment back  The remaining $200,000 in equity is on the table for property division.  If John keeps the house and buys Mary out of her half of the equity, Mary will get $100,000 from the house.

Ex. 4:   John and Mary have been dating for a year.  They pick out a house together, and John purchases the house for $500,000 on March 31, 2005.  Again, he put 20% down and took out a mortgage for the remaining $400,000.  The parties moved into the house together on April 1, 2005.  Although the parties lived together the entire time, they did not get married until April 1, 2018.  On the date of the marriage, the balance due on the mortgage was $310,000.  The parties divorce in 2019.  The balance due on the mortgage is now $300,000.  The house will be confirmed as John’s separate property, and Mary is entitled to reimbursement of only $5,000 (for half of the principal reduction during the marriage.)

As you can see, when someone purchases a house is vitally important to how that house is handled in a divorce.  In all of the above scenarios, John and Mary put the same amount of total funds into the house, but the amount of community equity varied dramatically based on the timing of the home purchase and the timing of when the parties got married.  Because of the complex issues involved with community and separate property, it is a good idea to consult a knowledgeable family law attorney if you need to determine exactly what would happen with your house.

house pic

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When you need a lawyer, you may not even know where to begin. There are so many lawyers out there. We see ads on billboards, in magazines, online and on TV. But how do you determine which attorney is the best fit for you?  If you find yourself facing a divorce or a lawsuit involving your children, you need a family law attorney. There are many wonderful family law attorneys in Collin County and Denton County, but it’s important that you find an attorney that is right for you. As family law attorneys, we handle cases very dear to our clients: cases involving children, families, adoptions, terminations, etc. It is absolutely critical that clients interview attorneys until they find the right fit for them. Just like one key doesn’t fit every lock, one attorney is not the right fit for every client.

Finding a great attorney

So with all of the options out there, how can you find a great attorney?  In addition to researching an attorney online, personal referrals and referrals from attorneys in other areas of law are two great options.

Personal referrals – Talk to people in your community, including friends and family. They may have been in your shoes and know an attorney that they highly recommend. Ask specific questions about any attorneys they refer to you. Get as much information about each referral as possible, narrow down the list based on what you are looking for and then meet or talk with with at least one attorney yourself to see if you agree that he or she will be the right fit.

Lawyer referrals – Another good way to find a great lawyer is to ask another lawyer. You may know a lawyer who handles corporate law but not one who handles family law. Ask that corporate lawyer. That lawyer will almost certainly know some excellent family lawyers. The attorneys at The Draper Law Firm, PC pride ourselves on referring our clients to attorneys in other areas who have integrity and who will be great advocates for their clients.  We want to send people to attorneys who we know will take good care of them, and we know most other attorneys feel the same.

What should you look for when choosing an attorney?

Attorneys are definitely not one-size-fits-all.  There are a number of factors that may go into deciding which attorney is right for you.

Attorney Philosophy – Finding an attorney with a great general philosophy for handling your types of cases is one of the most important things you can do.  Does the attorney prefer to start amicable to try and reach agreements whenever possible?  Or does the attorney start aggressive and prefer addressing things in court?  The attorney’s philosophy is so important when deciding if that attorney can help you meet your goals, and certain philosophies tend to be a lot more expensive in the long run than others.

Size of Firm – The size of the firm may be an important factor in your decision.  Larger firms tend to have more support staff, fancier offices, and partners with lots of litigating experience, but larger firms (especially those experienced partners) usually come with a higher price tag.  Smaller firms and solo attorneys may or may not have just as much experience and may or may not provide more personal service.  Ask your potential attorney about his or her experience and how other attorneys and support staff in the firm may be involved in your case.

Communication – You have to be able to trust that your family law attorney has your best interest at heart. When the need for a difficult conversation arises, your attorney should be able to deliver the news in a way that resonates with you and take time to thoroughly explain the situation. Communication is key! You want to find an attorney who will communicate with you in a way that is effective, who truly listens to you, and who keeps you updated about what is going on in your case.

A good attorney will advocate for you and focus on your best interests and your goals.  By doing your due diligence, you can find an attorney that will be the best fit for you.

The Draper Firm

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If you ever find yourself involved in a family law matter (or you can envision yourself ending up in one down the road), you may wonder what you should or should not do.  Although many of these DOs and DON’Ts may seem obvious, rest assured all of these issues have actually come up in real family law cases in Texas (many of them multiple times).  With the input of dozens of Texas family lawyers, I have compiled the following list of DOs and DON’Ts to keep in mind:

DOs

  1. DO hire an attorney.  If you do not have the funds to hire an attorney, borrow them.  Take out a loan, borrow from your parents, etc.  Pro se divorce forms and google research are no match for a licensed attorney on the other side.
  2. DO follow your attorney’s advice.  There is a reason you are paying your attorney.
  3. DO tell your attorney any bad facts that exist for you in your case.  Attorneys do much better with that information in advance and do not like to be surprised by it in court.
  4. DO assume anything you put in writing will show up in a courtroom and be seen by a judge.
  5. DO keep a journal with dates and important information that you write down shortly after it has happened.
  6. DO use social media with extreme caution.  See No. 4 above.   Perhaps consider getting off social media completely.
  7. DO communicate with the other party in writing whenever possible.  Not only can it back up your position, but the best exhibits in court are often what the other side has put in a text or e-mail.
  8. DO keep texts and e-mails.  It is a good idea to screen shot important texts and e-mail them to yourself, as deleted texts can generally not be recovered.
  9. DO consider opening up a new e-mail address exclusively for communicating with your attorney.
  10. DO assume anything you say is being recorded.
  11. DO consider saving your questions and combining them into one e-mail or phone call for your attorney on a periodic basis rather than sending countless e-mails or making constant calls.  It will cost you a lot less for your attorney to respond to one lengthy e-mail or have one longer phone call on a periodic basis than to respond to multiple e-mails or calls daily.
  12. If you choose not to follow the advice in No. 11, DO remember not to get upset about it when you get the bill.
  13. DO try and obtain current statements and screen shots for all accounts.
  14. DO remember that your lifestyle is going to change significantly if you are getting divorced.  What once supported one household will now have to support two.  Start making a budget for post-divorce so you can figure out what life will look like for you.
  15. DO start actively looking for a full-time job if you have been a stay-at-home-parent.  Generally, you cannot be a stay-at-home-parent after divorce.
  16. DO remember you are not going to get everything you want.
  17. DO make a list of priorities to figure out what is most important to you.  See No. 16 above.
  18. DO focus on putting yourself and your children in the best position to move forward, instead of focusing on punishing the other party.
  19. DO remember that the court can’t miraculously make more money appear.  You can’t get reimbursed for $250,000 if the estate is only worth $100,000.
  20. DO assume you are being followed by a private investigator and act accordingly.
  21. DO provide whatever your attorney has asked you to provide by the deadline your attorney has given you.
  22. DO know your children’s teachers and doctors and be actively involved in your children’s lives, especially if you want primary custody of them.
  23. DO whatever you can to be a good co-parent with your ex.  Be the bigger person when needed.  Your children will be better for it.
  24. DO remember that you chose to marry this person or have babies with this person, and now you will have to deal with this person for the rest of your life.
  25. DO pay your attorney according to the terms of your fee agreement.  If you don’t, do not be surprised when your attorney withdraws.
  26. DO realize that your children love their other parent, too, and encourage that relationship as much as you can.

DON’Ts

  1. DON’T lie to your attorney.
  2. DON’T lie to the court.
  3. DON’T talk bad about the other parent in front of the kids or within ear shot of the kids, and DON’T allow anyone else to do so either.
  4. DON’T agree to take a drug test without first telling your attorney you have been doing cocaine (or meth or pot or some prescription drug for which you do not have a valid prescription).
  5. DON’T hack into your ex’s e-mail account.
  6. DON’T put stupid things in writing.  See No. 4 under DO’s above.
  7. DON’T compare your situation to your friend’s or family member’s situation.  Your situation is not the same.
  8. DON’T assume that your google research is better than your attorney’s research.
  9. DON’T start out messages to the opposing party with “I probably shouldn’t say this.”  If you have to say that, then don’t say it at all.
  10. DON’T date someone else when going through a divorce.
  11. If you are going to ignore No. 10, DON’T flaunt it, DON’T introduce the new boyfriend / girlfriend to your kids, and definitely DON’T bring your new boyfriend / girlfriend to court.
  12. DON’T post something, take a picture of something, or put anything in writing that you would not want the judge to see.
  13. DON’T bring your minor child to court unless you have been specifically ordered to do so.
  14. DON’T get pregnant with someone other than your current spouse.  A woman can’t get divorced until after giving birth, even if everyone agrees the husband is not the father.
  15. DON’T get pregnant with the spouse you are currently divorcing.  You will not be able to finalize the divorce until after the baby is born, and things just got more complicated.
  16. DON’T sleep with the opposing party, especially if you just had your attorney obtain a temporary protective order or temporary restraining order against him or her.
  17. DON’T listen to your sister’s boyfriend’s cousin’s friend about what should or should not be happening in your case.
  18. DON’T spend money or incur debt for anything other than reasonable living expenses and attorney’s fees.
  19. DON’T make it about revenge.
  20. DON’T ask your attorney if you should do something and then blatantly disregard his or her advice.
  21. DON’T expect your attorney to be able to do anything for you at night, on weekends or on holidays.
  22. DON’T drink and drive, not even a little.
  23. DON’T post pictures of your new boyfriend / girlfriend on social medial during your divorce.
  24. DON’T let your new significant other dictate how you co-parent.
  25. DON’T alienate your children from the other parent.  It is in your children’s best interests to have a good relationship with both parents.
  26. DON’T be petty.  Focus on what is really important.
  27. DON’T use bugs or tracking devices on the other party or your children.
  28. DON’T do drugs.  This includes pot and prescription drugs for which you do not have a valid prescription.  A positive drug test can be a ticket straight to supervised-only access to your children.
  29. DON’T assume an attorney will work for you for free or do pro bono work for you.  If you qualify for legal aid, go through the appropriate channels to find a pro bono attorney.

Do's and Don'ts

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