If you ever find yourself involved in a family law matter (or you can envision yourself ending up in one down the road), you may wonder what you should or should not do.  Although many of these DOs and DON’Ts may seem obvious, rest assured all of these issues have actually come up in real family law cases in Texas (many of them multiple times).  With the input of dozens of Texas family lawyers, I have compiled the following list of DOs and DON’Ts to keep in mind:

DOs

1. DO hire an attorney.  If you do not have the funds to hire an attorney, borrow them.  Take out a loan, borrow from your parents, etc.  Pro se divorce forms and google research are no match for a licensed attorney on the other side.
2. DO follow your attorney’s advice.  There is a reason you are paying your attorney.
3. DO tell your attorney any bad facts that exist for you in your case.  Attorneys do much better with that information in advance and do not like to be surprised by it in court.
4. DO assume anything you put in writing will show up in a courtroom and be seen by a judge.
5. DO keep a journal with dates and important information that you write down shortly after it has happened.
6. DO use social media with extreme caution.  See No. 4 above.   Perhaps consider getting off social media completely.
7. DO communicate with the other party in writing whenever possible.  Not only can it back up your position, but the best exhibits in court are often what the other side has put in a text or e-mail.
8. DO keep texts and e-mails.  It is a good idea to screen shot important texts and e-mail them to yourself, as deleted texts can generally not be recovered.
9. DO consider opening up a new e-mail address exclusively for communicating with your attorney.
10. DO assume anything you say is being recorded.
11. DO consider saving your questions and combining them into one e-mail or phone call for your attorney on a periodic basis rather than sending countless e-mails or making constant calls.  It will cost you a lot less for your attorney to respond to one lengthy e-mail or have one longer phone call on a periodic basis than to respond to multiple e-mails or calls daily.
12. If you choose not to follow the advice in No. 11, DO remember not to get upset about it when you get the bill.
13. DO try and obtain current statements and screen shots for all accounts.
14. DO remember that your lifestyle is going to change significantly if you are getting divorced.  What once supported one household will now have to support two.  Start making a budget for post-divorce so you can figure out what life will look like for you.
15. DO start actively looking for a full-time job if you have been a stay-at-home-parent.  Generally, you cannot be a stay-at-home-parent after divorce.
16. DO remember you are not going to get everything you want.
17. DO make a list of priorities to figure out what is most important to you.  See No. 16 above.
18. DO focus on putting yourself and your children in the best position to move forward, instead of focusing on punishing the other party.
19. DO remember that the court can’t miraculously make more money appear.  You can’t get reimbursed for $250,000 if the estate is only worth $100,000.
20. DO assume you are being followed by a private investigator and act accordingly.
21. DO provide whatever your attorney has asked you to provide by the deadline your attorney has given you.
22. DO know your children’s teachers and doctors and be actively involved in your children’s lives, especially if you want primary custody of them.
23. DO whatever you can to be a good co-parent with your ex.  Be the bigger person when needed.  Your children will be better for it.
24. DO remember that you chose to marry this person or have babies with this person, and now you will have to deal with this person for the rest of your life.
25. DO pay your attorney according to the terms of your fee agreement.  If you don’t, do not be surprised when your attorney withdraws.
26. DO realize that your children love their other parent, too, and encourage that relationship as much as you can.

DON’Ts

1. DON’T lie to your attorney.
2. DON’T lie to the court.
3. DON’T talk bad about the other parent in front of the kids or within ear shot of the kids, and DON’T allow anyone else to do so either.
4. DON’T agree to take a drug test without first telling your attorney you have been doing cocaine (or meth or pot or some prescription drug for which you do not have a valid prescription).
5. DON’T hack into your ex’s e-mail account.
6. DON’T put stupid things in writing.  See No. 4 under DO’s above.
7. DON’T compare your situation to your friend’s or family member’s situation.  Your situation is not the same.
8. DON’T assume that your google research is better than your attorney’s research.
9. DON’T start out messages to the opposing party with “I probably shouldn’t say this.”  If you have to say that, then don’t say it at all.
10. DON’T date someone else when going through a divorce.
11. If you are going to ignore No. 10, DON’T flaunt it, DON’T introduce the new boyfriend / girlfriend to your kids, and definitely DON’T bring your new boyfriend / girlfriend to court.
12. DON’T post something, take a picture of something, or put anything in writing that you would not want the judge to see.
13. DON’T bring your minor child to court unless you have been specifically ordered to do so.
14. DON’T get pregnant with someone other than your current spouse.  A woman can’t get divorced until after giving birth, even if everyone agrees the husband is not the father.
15. DON’T get pregnant with the spouse you are currently divorcing.  You will not be able to finalize the divorce until after the baby is born, and things just got more complicated.
16. DON’T sleep with the opposing party, especially if you just had your attorney obtain a temporary protective order or temporary restraining order against him or her.
17. DON’T listen to your sister’s boyfriend’s cousin’s friend about what should or should not be happening in your case.
18. DON’T spend money or incur debt for anything other than reasonable living expenses and attorney’s fees.
19. DON’T make it about revenge.
20. DON’T ask your attorney if you should do something and then blatantly disregard his or her advice.
21. DON’T expect your attorney to be able to do anything for you at night, on weekends or on holidays.
22. DON’T drink and drive, not even a little.
23. DON’T post pictures of your new boyfriend / girlfriend on social medial during your divorce.
24. DON’T let your new significant other dictate how you co-parent.
25. DON’T alienate your children from the other parent.  It is in your children’s best interests to have a good relationship with both parents.
26. DON’T be petty.  Focus on what is really important.
27. DON’T use bugs or tracking devices on the other party or your children.
28. DON’T do drugs.  This includes pot and prescription drugs for which you do not have a valid prescription.  A positive drug test can be a ticket straight to supervised-only access to your children.
29. DON’T assume an attorney will work for you for free or do pro bono work for you.  If you qualify for legal aid, go through the appropriate channels to find a pro bono attorney.